"Do you think it be over-stepping my mandate somewhat, as a professional food critic -- the integrity of my palate and intention, as it were -- if I, in the very first line of my review, compared McDonald’s Curly Fries to God's pubes?", I asked my dining partner furtively.
"Because that's what they taste like. Like pubes shucked from the Grand Architect, floating down from the heavens to be with us here on earth, delicately deep fried, packaged, and delivered at affordable cost and with humble reverence by the McDonald's Corporation."
After some careful deliberation he replied:
"Just don't tell them you got them for free."
They’ve been out there for a few weeks now, my friends: McDonald's Curly Fries. McDonald's Curly Fries are here. Perhaps you've already had the pleasure. This is what happens.
They ask you this:
"Would you like to try special fries?"
You say:
"You’re goddamn right I do. Dui, my good man, dui."
And for a few paltry RMB extra they're all yours -- small size, which they call medium, or large size, which they call large.
In all my years and training in the culinary arts -- both in the kitchen as a chef of considerable merit and acclaim and as a highly compensated professional food writer -- I have never encountered such a delicate blend of spices and seasonings. So playful. So irreverent. Taste a bit like normal fries deep fried with noodle mix. Genius.
How do they make them curly? I don't know. Do they taste different because they are curly? No clue. Did they get the idea from Arby's or A&W, who have been doing curly fries for years? Who can say.
These are questions with no answers -- nay, these are questions that cannot be answered -- best left to the pantheon of ruminating philosophers and tortured souls who would cast doubt on a Good Thing.
Best thing about McDonald's Curly Fries is that some times a regular guy slips in there with your bag. Oh, hello friend! How did you get in there! Welcome!
Embrace the new, Shanghai. Embrace the new. Next time you're at McDicks, blast up a bag of the "special fries". These things may be served in a box but the thinking behind them most definitely cannot be characterized as such.
With all diligence and sincerity, I recommend this little portion of the already inspired McDonald's menu in hopes that you will take this earnest recommendation and...
*flips two thumbs up*
...eat it.
